Dear Enfamil,

Thank you so much for mailing me a box today to remind me of Chloe's first birthday! I was so surprised to find a gift in my mailbox and hurried into the house to open it. Wow! I had no idea that babies need formula after turning a year old! Nevermind that I have breastfed Chloe since day one, I will be sure to use the two $5 off coupons to purchase the Next Step Formula to make sure she gets the DHA she needs. However, I was a little surprised at what I found when I looked at the ingredients. The first three ingredients you list are: nonfat milk, oil, and corn syrup solids.

Why the hell would I feed that to my child? Are you kidding me? I'm sure her brain development would really thrive on that. There are many reasons I breastfeed my child, among them being that my body naturally alters the composition of my milk to meet her needs as she grows. Take your formula and shove it.

Signed,
Very Annoyed Milky Momma

Friends Like Me

So, on my quest to find "friends like me" I think I need to step out of my little comfort zone and put myself out there. Find a group with like-minded women and become a part of that village. First, let me say that I have a touch of social anxiety. I do not like not knowing what to expect or not knowing what comes next. I've been that way my whole life. My mom always tells the stories of the days when my class would have a field trip. I would quiz her on the order of things, such as:

"When will I get on the bus?"
"How will I know which lunch is mine?"
"Which group will I be in?"

Et Cetera, Et Cetera. Heck, I even asked the orthodontist if my parents would still have to pay for my braces if I happened to die before my treatment was complete. I am just that weird. Hmmm....maybe that is why I am in this position...

So, to find like minded women I have two specific ideas: finding a church group or Le Leche League. I think I am going to start with the latter and see where it takes me. My homework for this week is to find my local meeting time and place and GO. Going will be the hardest part, but if I want my situation to change, I have to be the one to change it. It's not like new friends are randomly going to knock on my door.....unless they are Jehovah's Witnesses or selling new windows and siding.

Well, hello there....

wow, it's been a while since my last post. I have typed up a couple of different blog entries, only to hit "delete" at the end. Why? Because I have some negative energy/vibes I need to spew and I just can't bring myself to clutter my blog, which happens to have the exact opposite intention.

And yet, I feel like if I don't have an outlet, this poison is just going to eat away at me. I have to work hard, sometimes on a daily basis, to remain a positive person. Sometimes, I just want to tell it like it is without sugar-coating and blowing sunshine up your you-know-what. So, here it is, and maybe after I hit "publish" I can let it go and move on.

People suck. I seriously must have a "Please use me and abuse me" sign flashing above my head. Why is it that I attract people who manipulate, take advantage, and just in general suck the energy out of me? Do I have a personality flaw I am unaware of? Is there something about my personality that needs to change? Because I treat everyone with kindness and caring, there is just no way Karma is out to get me on this one.

Ryan tells me that I am an exceptionally nice and giving person and because most people are completely selfish and self-absorbed, I will inevitably feel used because others just don't give as much as they take. So, does that mean I need to stop being so nice and giving? How crappy is that?

I am a regular reader of some blogs and I find myself throwing a pity party for myself when I read about their wonderful friends. Friends who flock to the hospital when you're having a baby. Friends who get together on a random morning for coffee and conversation, pajamas and all. Friends who never make you feel inferior or judged because maybe you carry a few extra pounds. Friends who call you just to say hi. Do these friends exist? I know they must, because I exist. There has to be someone out there like me. Do I really have to resort to placing an ad in the paper?

ISO: Married Female, Kids Welcome. Loyal, caring, loving, and good sense of humor a must. I don't ask for much, just for you to be genuine. Manipulators need not apply.

Ugh. Well, now that I have spewed it all out, I will be working on moving forward. I do not like this post, and I hope all posts from here on out contain nothing but good! Be Amazed, Be Blessed!

RAK 12/32

My mom and I were in the Hobby Lobby parking lot this afternoon and a car in the parking lot had its trunk wide open. Nobody was in or around the car and the trunk had items in it. We assumed the owner must have hit her trunk release and didn't know it. After I stole all of her belongings, I kindly shut her trunk.

RAK 11/32

No, I have not given up on my 32 Random Acts of Katy, I am just taking a bit longer to get them done. I totally underestimated how long it would take to complete these, given I have two children with me at pretty much all times. So, bear with me, it will be finished in due time.

RAK 11: Collecting a lonely stray shopping cart at Dillons that was in the middle of the parking lot. (and shame on the shopper who did not care to return it to the cart return!).

Sad.

I'm sad. Sadder than I ever thought I would be when I weaned him. As I said in the post a few days ago, tandem nursing was not an overly pleasant experience. And Tucker was a total Boob Monger who would ask for "mulk" approximately 1,332 times per day, every day. Nursing him over the past nine months was exhausting.

I had already planned on weaning him this summer so it's not like it wasn't already in the works. I knew I was ready, I knew he was not. That is what makes this hard. He is doing better than I thought he would, we've only had a couple really hard moments that left us both in tears, and me in a milk soaked tank top.

Tucker and I just had a very special bond over nursing. A bond Chloe and I don't really have. Don 't get me wrong, I love nursing Chloe but it isn't the same as nursing Tucker. It's difficult to explain, but she just doesn't seem as attached to nursing as he was; she is just a much more independent baby overall. I won't be one bit surprised if she self weans before I ever have to make this decision again.

I can't explain how much I just want to go back on the plan and nurse him again. I want to walk into his room right now, snatch him from his bed and sit in the Mulk Chair with him and let him nurse until he's so full of milk his belly is big and warm and happy. I have been wrestling with that all day today. On one hand I see that it would be a big mistake. That if I did that, I would need to resign myself to the fact that I will let him self wean, even if he's four or about to start college. Even if that means I nurse through another pregnancy and another baby. Right now, when emotions are high. I think I could do it. But I know I don't want to.

I think to myself, "maybe I'll just let him nurse at night." That sounds like pure bliss right now, a little bit of balance. But I have to remember the purpose of weaning; to hopefully help clear up his eczema. If his allergy panel comes back with my milk as the causative factor, well then I will be happy to say Case Closed. But if, by chance, the allergy panel comes back and says something else is the culprit, it is going to very hard to not let him have one session a day.

On the other hand, we are almost home free. He is doing well, and each day it gets better. It seems cruel to flip flop on him. It would be like ripping a Band-Aid off slowly. I need to stick with this, as much as it hurts. He's two, it's not like I didn't give him my absolute best; it's not like he is even going to have long lasting memories of this. It will be okay. He will be okay.

I thought this is what I wanted. I thought I was ready for this. I was wrong.

RAK 10/32

Adding money to my total at Sam's to help the Children's Miracle Network.