Tonight was the last night I will ever nurse my firstborn. Just typing that made the tears start flowing again. I can't think of a more bittersweet moment than the one we shared just a few minutes ago. I didn't know this was coming so soon, but it feels like the right thing to do.
Tucker has been battling a severe case of eczema on the back of his knees. I have tried everything I can think of on a natural level (no steroid creams are used in this house) and it is just not clearing up. The one thing I have not tried is taking him off of my milk. Tonight he was screaming in pain and I just can't let him go through that anymore if, by any chance, my milk is causing the problem. In a way, I think it's good that our nursing relationship is ending this way. I am weaning him in an effort to help get him out of pain. I hope in the coming days where I will have to stay strong and stand my ground, that tidbit will make it a little easier to stay the course.
My first goal with breastfeeding was to nurse him until he got teeth. The teeth came, and to my surprise there wasn't much pain (other than a few nips here and there, nothing major). My next goal was to nurse him until he was a year old. Oops, got pregnant when he was 9 months old, but I kept going even though my OB at the time (I fired her about halfway through the pregnancy because of her lack of knowledge about being pregnant and breastfeeding) told me I had to wean him. There was just no way I was going to stop short of my goal.
I thought for sure he would self-wean during the pregnancy. Nope. By the end of my pregnancy with Chloe, I felt like I had waited too long to wean him and he would suffer irreparable damage from being weaned, and then weeks later being "replaced" with a little sister. Tandem nursing has not been the dreamy experience I had hoped it would be. It has not, in all honesty, been the best idea I've ever had. I had read online about how wonderful tandem nursing is, how it helps the older child accept the new sibling, yadda yadda yadda. For me, it was very difficult with many mixed emotions. I do hold a few mental snapshots where it was pure bliss, however. Times when they weren't fighting for a good position and they both had their eyes rolling back into their heads on the verge of milk comas. Times where Tucker would reach over and pat his brand new sister, or when Chloe would reach over and touch Tucker's face. Times when they would hold hands while nursing. That was beautiful and I hope I never forget.
Along the way, I am sure I freaked out many people. Before I was "one of them," I was totally freaked out by extended nursers. I could not fathom why a woman would want to nurse a toddler. Ew, gross! Um, if they can walk over to you and lift your shirt and ask for it, then they are way too old. Oh, how naive I was! Extended nursing is certainly not for everyone and I understand that. I hope along the way I have educated those who do not understand and I hope I have inspired just one mom to breastfeed.
I have met my goal. I have exceeded the World Health Organization's recommended two year minimum. I have done an amazing job and I deserve the right to say so. Tucker is 27 months old. I have been breastfeeding since February 21, 2008 and tandem nursing for the past 9 months.
Our last session took place on the big chair in our living room. I was trying to calm him from screaming in pain, tears running down my face. Some tears were for his pain, some tears were from the realization that this would be our last "Boo" or "Mulk" session. My husband got the camera and took a few pictures of our last time breastfeeding. I look like crap in them but they are the most beautiful crappy pictures I've ever laid eyes on.
Tucker kissed my breast and said, "Kiss Mulks." It was so cute. I explained to him that after tonight he would not be getting any more of Mommy's milk and that he was a Big Boy now and the milk was just for Chloe now. He said okay and I am so hoping he understands. I expect to have a rough week ahead so I would really appreciate any prayers and good thoughts you could send my way.
Tucker: You are amazing. You have completely transformed me as a person. I cannot wait to see who you become and I'm so excited for the next chapter of you as my Big Boy. I love you, Baby Boy. Always and Forever. Love, Mommy
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
RAK 9/32
Another Starbucks drink buying RAK today. Um, according to my calculations I am only 28% done with my RAK mission. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppp.
My birthday is tomorrow and the month of May has six days left, I had better get a move on!!!!!
My birthday is tomorrow and the month of May has six days left, I had better get a move on!!!!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
RAK 8/32
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am passionate about breastfeeding. Seriously passionate. Like, I want to help every single new mother experience what I have had the privilege of experiencing by breastfeeding my two babies. I want to be that New Mom's Boob Cheerleader, whether I know her or not.
And that little tidbit brings me to my 8th Random Act of Katy. I was in Target today, sans kiddos, leisurely browsing the baby section. I was in the baby feeding section and there was an elderly lady on a cell phone trying to figure out the breast pumps and what she needed to buy her granddaughter. I could tell she was struggling, so I basically just parked my cart next to her and made eye contact. She asked me (while still on the phone) if I knew anything about the breast pumps and I told her I did and that I'd be happy to help her. She hung up the phone and I made my recommendations and explained a few things to her, and also helped her pick out some breast milk storage bags. She was sooooo appreciative!
Is it stalkerish/weird that I wanted to give her my business card so her granddaughter could call me if she had any questions? Yeah, probably....good thing I didn't. Oh, and GO BOOB JUICE!
And that little tidbit brings me to my 8th Random Act of Katy. I was in Target today, sans kiddos, leisurely browsing the baby section. I was in the baby feeding section and there was an elderly lady on a cell phone trying to figure out the breast pumps and what she needed to buy her granddaughter. I could tell she was struggling, so I basically just parked my cart next to her and made eye contact. She asked me (while still on the phone) if I knew anything about the breast pumps and I told her I did and that I'd be happy to help her. She hung up the phone and I made my recommendations and explained a few things to her, and also helped her pick out some breast milk storage bags. She was sooooo appreciative!
Is it stalkerish/weird that I wanted to give her my business card so her granddaughter could call me if she had any questions? Yeah, probably....good thing I didn't. Oh, and GO BOOB JUICE!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
RAK 6&7/32
At Starbucks today, I bought drinks for the car behind me in the drive thru(2 people). Little did I know when I pulled away that the barista accidentally gave me one of their drinks. I don't know what it was, but it was disgusting! It was super sweet and I think had Gingerbread syrup or something in it. It was so bad, I had to go back and get what I had ordered. I pulled back through and the girl was so apologetic. I guess the guy took a sip of the drink I had ordered and almost barfed. I always order an Americano with cream (a strong coffee drink with nothing sweet about it for those of you non-coffee drinkers) so I am sure he was dry heaving considering how super sweet he expected the drink to be! Anyways, the barista told me how happy he was that I paid for their drinks that he, in turn, paid for the car that was behind them! See, that is what this whole thing is about. Be Amazed. Be Blessed. Be Inspired.
Oh, and I got a free drink coupon for my next visit to make up for their boo-boo. Woot!
Oh, and I got a free drink coupon for my next visit to make up for their boo-boo. Woot!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mama's Day
Today was my third Mother's Day. It was nothing exciting, we had breakfast with my mom and dad, my sister and her sweet little family. Afterward, we spent some time driving around "shopping" for a home or neighborhood that appealed to us, back home for a wonderful THREE HOUR nap for every single one of us (best gift ever!), out to dinner and then a little more driving around looking at houses. Like I said, it was nothing exciting but it was so special because I was with the ones I love. And the little ones I love were just scrumptious today, so sweet and well behaved!
RAK 5/32
I went out for drinks the other night with friends and left a ridiculously large tip for the waitress (who coincidentally is a family friend). I had planned on doing that before I knew who our waitress was, so even though it was not for a random stranger, the intent was there so I'm counting it!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
RAK 2/32
Random Act of Katy #2
Today I had to go to the mall to buy coordinating outfits for our family picture shoot this weekend. I always hold doors open for people if they are close enough behind me, but it's really more of a propping of the door until they can hold it open for themselves. Today I saw an elderly couple approaching the doors as I was exiting. By their slow gait, I knew I was going to have to wait a bit for them to get to the doors. So, I waited and waited, and when the time was right, I walked outside, held the door open, smiled and told them to have a great day!
Today I had to go to the mall to buy coordinating outfits for our family picture shoot this weekend. I always hold doors open for people if they are close enough behind me, but it's really more of a propping of the door until they can hold it open for themselves. Today I saw an elderly couple approaching the doors as I was exiting. By their slow gait, I knew I was going to have to wait a bit for them to get to the doors. So, I waited and waited, and when the time was right, I walked outside, held the door open, smiled and told them to have a great day!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
RAK 1/32
Random Act of Katy #1:
At the end of my garage sale today, we were left with two working dryers that didn't sell. Rather than haul them to the dump, I placed an ad on craigslist saying they were free to the first people who picked them up. Later, I was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about my mission this month, wondering what my first RAK would be.
I checked my email a little while later and saw that I had a nice thank you email from the person who picked up one of the dryers. She was very kind, thanked me and let me know how much her family needed it. She could have anonymously taken it and I would have never given that dryer another thought, but her kind email let me know that her family needed to be blessed...and they were. :)
At the end of my garage sale today, we were left with two working dryers that didn't sell. Rather than haul them to the dump, I placed an ad on craigslist saying they were free to the first people who picked them up. Later, I was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about my mission this month, wondering what my first RAK would be.
I checked my email a little while later and saw that I had a nice thank you email from the person who picked up one of the dryers. She was very kind, thanked me and let me know how much her family needed it. She could have anonymously taken it and I would have never given that dryer another thought, but her kind email let me know that her family needed to be blessed...and they were. :)
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