Schwety Momma and the Caged Animal

I have been begging for Spring for months and today it arrived full force, along with the strong Kansas wind. I think the high for today was 83, the house was definitely warm even with the windows open and the ceiling fans workin' their little blades off. I'm sure the Dust Bunnies that live atop them are quite dizzy today.

So, hot house, hot kids, hot Momma, what to do to get out and about? We went to playgroup at the school. Playgroups are Torture not easy for me. Last time there was a playgroup in the library. I was coming from work so I was in heels, had Chloe on one hip, Tucker was making every attempt to single-handedly swipe all library books off the shelves while using his Outside Voice, and to top it all off, I realized that I smelled a familiar odor coming from Chloe's diaper.

That playgroup ventured outside and ended with me near tears carrying a fussy 6 month old in one arm, a kicking and screaming 2 year old in the other after chasing him across the playground. Oh, and there was also a diaper bag and carseat to contend with. Not good, not good at all.

This week I was a little more prepared. I knew we would be outside so I made sure that I packed my infant carrier so I would be able to carry Chloe without using my arms. I also packed the dog leash for Tucker. Just kidding. Today's playgroup involved playing with sponges and water, chalk, bubbles, and Easter eggs that could be filled with rice and/or dry beans. Tucker's first venture was the water tubs with the sponges, next up was chalk, then random wandering, then bubbles. I felt kind of paralyzed because it was difficult for me to help guide and encourage him with Chloe strapped to my chest in the infant carrier. Luckily, some of the other mommas helped me out by helping him do some of the activities.

Today's playgroup ended with more hysteria. Poor little guy just doesn't like to stop playing. However, this meltdown was above and beyond a little fussiness. This was a scream all the way home and make the neighbors think my mom is killing me kind of hysteria. This behavior earned him an immediate Time Out when we got home. Uaually when he gets like that, you just put him in his room with the door shut and within five minutes the screaming has stopped and I can go in and talk with him.

Not today. Today I felt like I had a caged animal. I flashed back to watching The Hangover, when they have the tiger (or lion?) in the hotel bathroom and they need to feed it some steak. That was me, but the steak was American cheese. I wondered if I would come out alive. Once he cooled off (he had worked up quite a sweat), drank some ice water and ate some cheese, he was back to being my sweet boy. But that fit just may be his worst to date, it lasted upwards of thirty minutes. Non-stop screaming, it was pure craziness.

No, playgroups are not easy. But we go because he loves them, and because I love him. However, next playgroup I am taking an animal tranquilizer gun.

Connected

Woah. Ryan and I just had a conversation. A real life conversation!!!! And I think it lasted about an hour. Since having kids, it has been very hard to find time to make that connection and actually discuss something more profound than Tucker's blueberry poop or Chloe's stinky feet.

And good news, too, I still like talking to him. Phew, what a relief.

PS~Is there anything more painful than a huge pimple inside your nose? I didn't think so.

Reflection

Funny. Loyal. Honest. Caring. Uncensored. Genuine. Proactive. Engaging. Positive. Supportive. Inspiring. Influential. Sincere. Educated. Interested. Interesting. Involved. Quirky. Coffee fan. Reliable. Present. Laid Back. Creative. Fun. Hysterical. Sarcastic. Great Conversationalist. Warm. Kind. Giving. Compassionate.

If you could describe what a best friend would be, what words would you choose? How many of those qualities are ones you already embody and which ones are lacking? What kind of friend are you to those in your life? Would You be friends with You? Just food for thought.

Chosen

I look at my children daily and cannot believe I was chosen to be their Momma. I seriously don't take one second for granted. Of course I have moments of stress, exasperation, and perhaps a raised voice here and there, but seriously, thankfulness and joy just oozes out of me when it comes to my kids.

And I've noticed that not all parents are like that. I cannot tell you how many parents I run into (some even related) who see their children as an inconvenience. A bother. A just go away, I don't have time for you. To know that those children don't know the calibur of love they deserve to have, it breaks my heart. To know that not all parents read to their kids, color with their kids, have conversations with their kids, snuggle with their kids...it seems so unfair when there are infertile couples out there who want nothing more than to do those things with a child and cannot.

My goal at the end of my life is to be able to look back and feel confident that my children knew how much I loved them, not because I was their Mom and that's what I was supposed to do, but because I showed them every single day. Feeling blessed tonight, as always.

Balance

I have a hard time sometimes, balancing all of the aspects of my life. I had a hard time before kids so having two rugrats really complicates this area of my life. My house is a disaster more often than it's clean. If our dinner recipe doesn't call for a can of cream of mushroom soup in it, it must be a special occasion. If you open our refrigerator for a snack, you are welcome to choose from a spoonful of mayonnaise or a squirt of mustard. Clean laundry rarely makes it to the dressers or closets, it ends up in a huge pile on my laundry table or folded in laundry baskets. I am not exactly the SuperHousewife I thought I would be.

I used to make lists. Back in the day before I was married, my lists even had lists. I would scribble notes and take great joy in crossing off each task. I have dreams of a completely organized house, where everything has a perfect spot and I have family members who understand my system and respect the plan. I am a perfectionist of the worst kind: the procrastinating perfectionist. Hm. That would have been a great name for this blog. If only I would have thought of that sooner. Ha.

So, that is going to be my new plan of attack for this crazy house of mine. Lists. And lots of them. I am good at making them, now I just need to renew my excitement in crossing things off of said lists so they can be thrown away and a new one made.

At the top of list #1? Buy more paper.

Aviator

We have been married for six and a half years and have been to church together maybe ten times, twelve if you count our rehearsal and wedding day. Sad. Partly due to laziness, partly due to having different preferences in worship style; I enjoy a contemporary service while Ryan prefers a more traditional style. Excuses.

Last week while simultaneously nursing Chloe and perusing the internet (yes, I am that talented), I decided to check out the website of a local church I had heard about. The church seemed to match my beliefs and I felt confident in their nursery procedure, which is hugely important to me as strangers have never watched my kids. I made a mental note to mention the church to Ryan later.

I went downstairs after Chloe was asleep and immediately Ryan asked me if I wanted to go to church the next day. I was dumbfounded. If that wasn't God telling us something, then I don't know what it was! I told him I had *just* looked at a website of a church I was interested in.

The next morning, we loaded up the kids and headed off to our first service at the new church. We successfully checked Tucker and Chloe into the nursery and escaped without any drama from either of them. The praise music was a bit much for us, very loud and very contemporary...even for me. But the message! LOVED the message! Pastor is currently preaching on "You're Dead, Now What?"; a series about the afterlife. Ryan has had a lot of questions about Heaven and Hell since his Grandad died, and even though I was raised in the church, I have been unable to confidently and completely answer his questions. God knew we needed a church, God knew the questions in Ryan's heart, and God led us to this church, I am certain of it.

As I said, I was raised in the church, but honestly I pretty much never looked forward to going. I wanted to sleep in, I didn't want to get dressed up, I felt socially awkward in youth group, I couldn't pay attention to the sermon, my list could go on and on. And I certainly never thought about church mid-week! I think those days are gone, because all week I looked forward to today when I could go back and listen to another message. How awesome is that?

Yep, I think I can look past the too loud, too contemporary music. God called us to this church for a reason and He has some big plans for us as a family, I'm certain of it.

And I Am (Amazed and Blessed)

I am not really sure what this blog will address quite yet. It may end up being a merger of Tucker and Chloe's blogs, but I would like it to be more than that. I am more than my children, and even though they have helped to define my life way more than anything else that has ever happened to me, it would be nice to have a place to share stories that may, or may not, be related to my kids. So, I guess it will just be a place for me to be myself. Hm. What a concept in a world of trying to please others and be everything to everyone. So hold on, I'm not exactly known for being able to bite my tongue. :)