Worth the Weight?

I really don't like talking about my weight. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing and obsessing over it has consumed way too much of my brain activity. For the past twelve years I have really struggled and I am excited that I am finally making progress in the right direction, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can meet (and maybe even exceed) my goals.

When I met Ryan, I was a size 4, 126 pounds, and ran on a regular basis. To the outside world, I appeared to be extremely healthy. Except I was exactly the opposite of healthy. I was starving myself for several days, and when I would finally eat, it would be total crap like Cheez-Its and Dr. Pepper. Then I would overexercise (we're talking like 3 hours on the treadmill) to compensate. I also took evil little diet pills called Diet Fuel and diuretics daily. Oh, and passed out in the shower on a weekly basis. Oh, and lest I forget, I was a bitch more often than I was nice.

(Katy-Food)+Diet Pills=Not A Nice Girl

The Skinny Bitch

After I met Ryan, I didn't want to be the annoying girl who only ordered salads or who picked at my food on dates so I started eating like a normal person again. And then before I knew it, my portion sizes were mirroring his. My weight was increasing at an alarming rate. I'm talking like thirty pounds in a year. Over our dating years, my weight continued to creep up and even though I was aware of what was happening, it was almost like I didn't care and was powerless to stop it anyways. Maybe in a sense I was testing our relationship to see if Ryan would love me fat like he loved me skinny? Hmm....

One year of dating, up about 30 pounds. I remember feeling so fat that weekend, I had just gone up another size in pants.

Apparently he did, because he proposed at my heaviest and I immediately began planning the big wedding weight loss. I decided what size I wanted to be at my wedding and ordered my dress five sizes smaller than what I was. What? I work well with deadlines.

I lost 50 pounds in 5 months by doing a low carbohydrate diet. I felt fantastic! I fit into my dress and even had to have it taken in a little bit! Booya!

Wedding weight loss success!

After the wedding, I promised myself I would never go back. But I did. The weight crept up a little at a time and soon I was back to square one. Seven years of marriage and two kids later, my weight seemed to hover at the same place, not getting worse but certainly not getting better. After weaning Tucker, my weight shot up about twenty pounds very quickly, I guess because I didn't adjust my eating habits when my milk production decreased. When I stepped on the scale last summer and saw that I weighed what I did at delivery with both kids, I knew something had to change.

A week before Chloe was born, I weighed the same last summer in a non-pregnant state. Really, Katy? Really?

....to be continued.